Know What Not to Say to Friends Experiencing Infertility

Medical ConditionsJune 28, 2020

Once you get married, the next thing that always runs in your mind is getting a child. Its every new couple’s wish to consummate their marriage with children. Most try to get pregnant within the first year of marriage.

Most try getting pregnant the first year after marriage

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to get pregnant as quickly. For some, it might take years of trying, and others, it might never happen at all. Infertility is a real issue in society. About 10 percent of women in the United States (U.S.) are unable to conceive within their first year of marriage according to the Center for Disease Control (CDC). Medical practitioners advise many couples to keep trying after the first cycle of trying since only about 30 percent of women can conceive within this cycle.

Eventually, most can get pregnant in the second cycle. Despite this, when a couple is trying to get a child, whether they are only in the first cycle or not, there are things as a friend or relative that you should avoid telling them. Here is what you shouldn’t say.

It Eventually Happens

Whether it will happen or not, you do not have a guarantee of that. So, stop telling couples trying to get a child this. It will kill their spirits if eventually it never happens. Avoid giving them statistics since they most probably are aware of them. That makes them feel as their pain is not enough, and also makes them feel as if they are not trying hard enough. Such a comment invalidates the struggle one is going through.

Understand their pain and help them bear it

There’s a Couple I Know

Your friend or relative’s experience is quite different from that couple that you know. Yes, it could be encouraging to know that there was a couple that tried for two years and succeeded on the third, and now they have three children, but that was their experience.

Your friend’s pain is different and they don’t need to know about the other couple. This could add to the pain that they are the only one not able to get a child. You should instead be acknowledging your friend’s experience.

Have You Tried …?

Avoid as much as possible giving your friend unsolicited advice. If especially they have been trying for more than a year, they probably have tried a couple of things and been to different doctors. If she requests for advice, then you can freely share what you know.

So, what exactly should you say?

Acknowledge Their Pain

Instead of giving unsolicited advice, just acknowledge what your friend is feeling to share their burden. If they see that you care, they will be less sad. You can just say that you also feel sad for them, and say that you are sorry about their situation.

Listen

Take time to just listen. Such experiences need a shoulder one can lean on. If you just let your friend pour their hearts out to you, they will be forever grateful. Sometimes you do not need to say anything. Just hold them and let them release their tension.